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Stop us if you’ve heard this before, but a woman who claims to be Michael Jackson dvd ’s illegitimate love child says she’s entitled to money from his estate!

Mocienne Petit Jackson says she was conceived when Michael was a minor and has filed legal documents alleging an evil plot to cover up her existence.

Yes, we’re serious. Move over, Prince Michael Malachi Jet Jackson, you’ve got nothing on the latest supposed MJ spawn in terms of creative storytelling.

Her tale is one involving murder, abduction and Diana Ross’ sister. Mocienne Petit Jackson claims that way back in 1975, a 17-year-old Michael Jackson dvd secretly impregnated her mother Barbara … who happens to be Diana Ross’ sister.

Diana and Michael were close - his will left her in control of his three minor children in the even his mother predeceased him. More on his mom below …

Mocienne Petit Jackson’s claims are truly off the wall.

Mocienne claims that when she was nine years old, Katherine Jackson, the late singer’s mother and legal guardian of his three actual children, hatched a plan to “abduct” MPJ and send her to Belgium to protect MJ’s “reputation.”

She claims all seven of her abductors were later murdered.

Petit Jackson, who currently lives in the Netherlands, has decided to come forward now so she can “formally claim my part of my father’s inheritance.” Hilariously, she also wants custody of MJ’s kids so she can give them a “more normal life.”

Right, she can definitely offer that.

Mocienne Petit Jackson also claims she was diagnosed with Vitiligo … so, yeah. The whole skin thing. She filed documents with L.A. County Superior Court claiming she deserves a fat inheritance check if a judge will just green light a DNA test.

We wouldn’t hold our breath.

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She’ll probably claim she was set up, or they’re not her shoes, or Eleonore Lieven did it, or some such nonsense, but a lawsuit alleges Lindsay Lohan concocted a plan to defraud an L.A. boutique out of thousands of dollars in … shoes.

Church, which sells expensive clothes, jewelry, and accessories, claims the train wreck shopped at the store between November 2009-February 2010.

According to the suit, Lindsay Lohan racked up a bill of $17,060.83 and convinced the owners that her business manager would be paying the bill.

The business manager paid a grand total of $180.

Lock your doors, boutique owners. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The lawsuit, which will be filed in L.A. County Superior Court, alleges LiLo “had no intention of causing her business manager to pay the entire balance.”

Amusingly, and unfortunately for the plaintiffs, the suit claims the owners relied on her “well known status as a movie actress with substantial income.”

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